In what will be a running series, I am going to take a (hopefully) humorous look at how knife companies name their products. First up, because they are the easiest to make light of, Kershaw’s naming conventions.

In many ways, the Kershaw naming protocols are sort of like how Vince McMahon insisted on renaming people when they became WWE wrestlers. Why, for example, did the very evocatively named Kevin Steen (which conjures images of some crazy, angry short guy waving his fist at a crowd) become Kevin Owens (who sounds like the guy on your local School Board)? What’s worse—Kevin Steen is his REAL name. Or why is Adam Scherr called Braun Strowman? Does anyone really believe that a mother would name their newborn child Braun Strowman? Weird fact: the match between Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angel at Wrestlemania 19 was the only time both performers wrestled under their real names at the Showcase of the Immortals. I know a lot of this is done for IP reasons, but still…

Kershaw’s Bel Air (and their sister brand’s ZT0545) have revived the brand for me. But one think I find hilarious about Kershaw is the name of many of their knives. I follow the knife market pretty closely and even I am not sure if there is a Kershaw Switchback or not (don’t Google it and try to remember, did you get it right?). In an effort to aid them with future releases I have put together this handy naming guide, as, surely, the marketing people are running out of ideas.

No words that end in soft sounds like “s” or “u” unless it involves Rule 5 below. As a result you will never see a Kershaw Kopis no matter how nice the alliteration or historical reference. Too girly for the brawny beefcake extreme-sport loving hunters riding in their side by sides with those lightsaber antenna things that carry Kershaws.
It should have at least one word or word part dealing with one of the following: 1) automotive parts; 2) gun parts; 3) wrestling or fighting moves; or 4) something vaguely kill-y or weapon-y. For example, even though it doesn’t end in a soft sound, there will never be a Kershaw Sunlight. There could be, using the rules deduced from prior releases, a Kershaw Clawback, because, you know, a claw is kind of weapon-y, even if the term is actually one from bankruptcy court.
If possible, the name should include one word that is both a noun and a verb. A classic Kershaw marketing speak name is something like the Kershaw Ripstop. Its got a verb, it sounds violent in a way, and it is gear-related as many packs are made of so-called ripstop material. Wait, lemme see, is there are Kershaw Ripstop? If not, Kershaw Marketing Department, consider this my gift to you—the Kershaw Ripstop.
The name should be a combination of two small words into one slightly bigger word. See above, Kershaw Ripstop. Other possibilities: the Kershaw Forgebreak, the Kershaw Deeppunch, the Kershaw Crushfist, and the Kershaw Crankshaft (wait…did they do that one already?).
If it is not an Ken Onion design (they have their own incredibly subtle naming convention…have you figured it out yet?) or a two word into one word name, they need to be really vague sounding but kinda upscale, like the Kershaw Dividend. To that end, what about a Kershaw Earnings? That sounds vague and successful. I also like the Kershaw Crypto because who, in the 25-50 male demographic that the marketing department loves so much isn’t, in some way, intrigued by the grown up baseball cards that are crypto?

Other possibilities (none of which I have checked before writing and all of which are bequeathed to the Kershaw team, credit and rights free):

Kershaw Flyby (for a new balisong, of course)

Kershaw Killbox (did they already do a Killswitch?)

Kershaw Breakneck (this has got be one already, right)

Kershaw Halfblast

Kershaw Gangplank

Kershaw Chaingun

Kershaw Waiver

Kershaw Ballista (being classy and weapon-y allows it to break Rule 1)

Kershaw Zipline

Kershaw Radiant (this will be a very minimalist, clean knife that unfortunately has an assist AND 8Cr steel)

Kershaw Helitack

Kershaw Pursuant (which sounds like it is a cyborg that chases people, but again is a legal word)

Kershaw Redzone

Kershaw Skyfiend

Kershaw Tabula Rosa (obviously, this is some super weird looking knife)

Kershaw Slipstream (this is definitely a slim profile auto with CF inlays)

Kershaw Flywheel

Kershaw Backslash

There you have it, the secrets for naming new Kershaw knives. Honestly, I think it would be great if Kershaw leaned more into the ridiculous names. Taking yourself seriously when you have knives like the Jetforce, Cannonblast, and Analyst is a bit weird. We can take tongue in cheek stuff. See e.g. Cold Steel videos. In particular, I like the name Deeppunch. It is completely ridiculous and a great way to test people—do you get the joke or think it is cool? If you are in the former group, welcome to the Knife Intellegenisa. If you don’t, here is your “Kyle” name tag.

Should I do Kizer, Benchmade, or Cold Steel next? This was really fun to write and I actually, in all earnestness, love the name Skyfiend. As a bonus, I snuck in a real name of a real Kershaw knife in the list above. Without doing a search online, can you find it? It fit perfectly, BTW. One more, because this is addicting, like naming Jaegers from Pacific Rim (my made up favorite: Null Reaper):

Kershaw Blindfire

Amazon Link

Kershaw Bel Air

ZT 0545